3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
