How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
smell my finger.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
