you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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