he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
