don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
