cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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