I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
