I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
