I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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