Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
