just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
