They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
