I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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