I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
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No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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