Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
