Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
