Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
