she looked like the before picture.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
MIDGETS
????
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
