mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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