Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
