you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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