Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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