you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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