Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
