im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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