rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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