like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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