i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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