Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
