You can't motorboat a personality
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
