he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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