Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
