good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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