this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
