Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
