OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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