I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
