Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
