While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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