well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
