I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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