I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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