God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
