Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
