Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Someone came in the potted fern
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
