I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
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My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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