so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
