I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
