And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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