I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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