What did we do last night that was yellow?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
