and next time when you feel me up, do it right
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
