somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
