Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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