I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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