She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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