Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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