I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
