How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
