Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
