I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
