if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
