Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
