My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just want to make out with him forever
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
