Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
