I cannot find my penis.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
