Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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