Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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