my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
