At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
