i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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